Wednesday, January 13, 2010

You Bitch! (Pardon Our English: Part Two)

Having blamed my children's swearing on the kindergarten, I am understandably sensitive when they DO, in fact, break out with inappropriate English words.

So that I immediately felt guilty the morning, a few weeks ago, when Aidan greeted me, happily, with a cheerful "You bitch!". He was sitting on the couch and showed no animosity towards me as I entered the room. So then why the hostility? And where the heck did he pick up THAT particular turn of phrase. I'll admit, there are others, but I honestly don't recall using that one at all. "You bitch?"

It took only a few minutes of frantic pantomime, and finally a trip into the kitchen, for Aidan to show me that what he was looking for were the Nougat Bits, his chocolatey choice of breakfast cereal at the moment. Oh! NOUGAT BITS! What a relief.

So it was cause for consternation yesterday when he clambered onto my lap once again calling me a bitch. I mean, who talks to their mother that way?! And he was clear this time, pointing to me, slowly saying YOU and then repeating BITCH over and over and over. There was clearly something he wanted me to do, but calling me names certainly wasn't helping me to do it any faster.

Turns out he wanted me to build a bridge with my legs. So that he could crawl over the BRIDGE, ie my legs, from the footstool onto the chair and my lap. (The chair having ostensibly turned into a fighter pilot or a fire engine.) You. Bridge.

#%@*$& it! Am I ever going to understand these kids?!


  1. You're transferring. Or something. Don't assume they're going to swear. Just because you worry that you swear in inappropriate circumstances doesn't mean they will, too. (I haven't noticed any inappropriate swearing from you, but maybe because I am generally a fan of the activity and my idea of "appropriate" is pretty broad.) Or just don't worry. Or shut me up and write your blog in peace!

  2. Oh no - I swear very appropriately! And fairly often. There's just never been a reason to when I'm out of the house, away from the kids, hanging out with my grown-up friends. But the kids know all the good ones in English too- they let me know when I carry it too far!

  3. Did I ever tell you about my old friend Jonny? I mean that literaly - he was old. About 90.
    So Jonny the sailor (that's what we called him - because he was, in fact, a sailor)lived around the corner from us and would visit about four times a week. One day I was dog -sitting for a friend of mine and Jonny came over. Jonny LOVED Dogs. He always had one, but alas, got too old to have one any more.
    He fell in love with my friends dog and asked it's name. Mercy - I told him. Now Jonny was really deaf, even with his hearing aid turned up on full blast. WHAT? he asked. MERCY I yelled back. And Jonny the sailor spent the better half of the afternoon in my back yard yelling for the dog.
    True story.

  4. There's an American children's word for rear-end that I can't for the life of me remember - that means "female body part" in English in any other country. SO that when we are talking about sliding down the hill on our "fannies' - it might be fannies - people are wondering how the heck one manages to get into that position. And why one would be writing about it in a children's book!