No really, how do they do it? (Part Two)

(Written February 23, 2009)

Okay, so I’m still stuck on this one. I still haven’t found the magic answer.
I was really good today, having spent the better part of the weekend ignoring the kids and typing away at the computer like a maniac. (Funny enough, everyone seemed to have a really good weekend, supporting the theory that when mom is happy, everyone is happy.) Today I promised myself I wouldn’t even turn on the computer before I had picked up the house and spent some quality time with the older two. (Taking advantage of the fact that they have a one week school break but the twins are still in German kindergarten , the equivalent of daycare, for the morning.) Andrew and I spent an hour on his room, Ryan and I spent over an hour on hers, then we danced and played and sang a bit before I cleaned Aidan’s and Matthew’s room and picked up the kitchen while Ryan and Andrew played on their Nintendos. Ryan and I then did an hour of third grade math - with only half of the time being a battle of wills and the other half of it actually being the math itself. Both kids practiced their musical instruments and then got on the computer while I prepared lunch. We ate, I walked the dog, picked up the twins and dropped Andrew off at a friend’s house for the afternoon. Ryan spent the afternoon copying horse facts from the computer and making a book, the twins bathed, played, ate, generally dominated all of my attention - and in between I ran three loads of laundry.

I am not saying this to show off - okay maybe only a little - but by four oclock I was so exhausted that I had to make a pot of coffee to keep me going. It worked, and while the twins were happily coloring (and Ryan was still involved in her horse project) I decided to sneak off and do something for me. I called a friend.

The minute Aidan and Matthew figured out I was on the phone, they ran into the kitchen (where I was hiding) demanding cookies. See, they know I will do just about anything to shut them up when I am on the phone. They ate half a box of chocolate cookies until the dog, probably pissed off literally that he wasn’t getting any cookies, peed all over the floor. I ignored that too.

And then I thought, what would Hannah Keeley do in this situation? So I got off the phone, ran upstairs to change into a casual pants suit, found out I didn’t own any and decided on some racy lingerie under a sweat suit. I ran downstairs to find the twins already playing in the urine. I took off my glasses, quickly checked my hair, found the camera, got Ryan off of the computer and forced her to take photos of me mopping up the dog urine with a name brand paper towel. To Ryan’s immense relief (for some reason I cannot even begin to fathom she was finding the entire thing intensely embarrassing), the camera ran out of batteries after two photos or I would have made a video as well. I then spent five minutes looking for my glasses while the twins continued to play in the dog urine. By the time I got to actually cleaning up the mess, it was three times its initial size and both Aidan and Matthew needed another bath.

But I had the photos and a great idea for a great essay.

So tell me Hannah, is that the secret? I’m really beginning to think it might be. The place was covered in urine, the twins were covered in urine, Ryan was totally disgusted with me, my husband came out of the study to find me bathing the twins in my lingerie, and well…I had turned a five minute wipe-up job into an hour long ordeal. Except it really was kind of fun. And silly. And got us that much closer to bedtime without going crazy.

The magic answer for today? Don’t take it all too seriously, have some fun, and remember that noone is perfect - as a parent, as a housekeeper, as a spouse, and certainly not as all three.

Either that or a cup of coffee and a phone call to the right friend can help you make it through the rest of the evening. Or maybe a little of both.

Oh that and don’t start your career in the entertainment industry with dog urine and a pair of twins!