No really, how do they do it? (Part Two)

(Written February 23, 2009)

Okay, so I’m still stuck on this one. I still haven’t found the magic answer.
I was really good today, having spent the better part of the weekend ignoring the kids and typing away at the computer like a maniac. (Funny enough, everyone seemed to have a really good weekend, supporting the theory that when mom is happy, everyone is happy.) Today I promised myself I wouldn’t even turn on the computer before I had picked up the house and spent some quality time with the older two. (Taking advantage of the fact that they have a one week school break but the twins are still in German kindergarten , the equivalent of daycare, for the morning.) Andrew and I spent an hour on his room, Ryan and I spent over an hour on hers, then we danced and played and sang a bit before I cleaned Aidan’s and Matthew’s room and picked up the kitchen while Ryan and Andrew played on their Nintendos. Ryan and I then did an hour of third grade math - with only half of the time being a battle of wills and the other half of it actually being the math itself. Both kids practiced their musical instruments and then got on the computer while I prepared lunch. We ate, I walked the dog, picked up the twins and dropped Andrew off at a friend’s house for the afternoon. Ryan spent the afternoon copying horse facts from the computer and making a book, the twins bathed, played, ate, generally dominated all of my attention - and in between I ran three loads of laundry.

I am not saying this to show off - okay maybe only a little - but by four oclock I was so exhausted that I had to make a pot of coffee to keep me going. It worked, and while the twins were happily coloring (and Ryan was still involved in her horse project) I decided to sneak off and do something for me. I called a friend.

The minute Aidan and Matthew figured out I was on the phone, they ran into the kitchen (where I was hiding) demanding cookies. See, they know I will do just about anything to shut them up when I am on the phone. They ate half a box of chocolate cookies until the dog, probably pissed off literally that he wasn’t getting any cookies, peed all over the floor. I ignored that too.

And then I thought, what would Hannah Keeley do in this situation? So I got off the phone, ran upstairs to change into a casual pants suit, found out I didn’t own any and decided on some racy lingerie under a sweat suit. I ran downstairs to find the twins already playing in the urine. I took off my glasses, quickly checked my hair, found the camera, got Ryan off of the computer and forced her to take photos of me mopping up the dog urine with a name brand paper towel. To Ryan’s immense relief (for some reason I cannot even begin to fathom she was finding the entire thing intensely embarrassing), the camera ran out of batteries after two photos or I would have made a video as well. I then spent five minutes looking for my glasses while the twins continued to play in the dog urine. By the time I got to actually cleaning up the mess, it was three times its initial size and both Aidan and Matthew needed another bath.

But I had the photos and a great idea for a great essay.

So tell me Hannah, is that the secret? I’m really beginning to think it might be. The place was covered in urine, the twins were covered in urine, Ryan was totally disgusted with me, my husband came out of the study to find me bathing the twins in my lingerie, and well…I had turned a five minute wipe-up job into an hour long ordeal. Except it really was kind of fun. And silly. And got us that much closer to bedtime without going crazy.

The magic answer for today? Don’t take it all too seriously, have some fun, and remember that noone is perfect - as a parent, as a housekeeper, as a spouse, and certainly not as all three.

Either that or a cup of coffee and a phone call to the right friend can help you make it through the rest of the evening. Or maybe a little of both.

Oh that and don’t start your career in the entertainment industry with dog urine and a pair of twins!

How do they do it? (Part One)

I’ve been doing a lot of surfing on the web, checking out blogs and websites from other moms turned Internet entrepreneurs. Hannah Keeley. Cheryl Lage. Elizabeth Lyons. Elizabeth not only has five young kids, two of them are twins. In between pregnancies, caring for the kids, and caring for the home, they have managed to write books, articles and blogs. Hannah now has her own TV show.

I’m partly envious and entirely curious. I mean really, how ARE they doing it? I don’t want a top ten list of ways to organize the pantry or advice on a three minute makeover that is guaranteed to make you look good enough to attend the Oscars. I know I need to find time for myself, and time for my husband. I can get out the door with twins and I am able to organize a child’s birthday party on a limited budget. I appreciate all the advice girls, I really do, but what I want to know is what is happening with the kids while you guys are writing.

I only ask because mine are either parked in front of the TV set or fighting over the cookies they’ve stolen from the kitchen while I was preoccupied at the computer.

Elizabeth writes that she did NOT have help with any of the first four, numbers two and three being the twins. Not even a housekeeper. She had a supportive network of friends, but most of them had twins as well. Can one really get enough babysitting from friends to write a book?

She also says that she was, and still is, chronically exhausted, hence not one of those people who can get by on only four hours of sleep a night and still function normally. She had twins, she DID get by on less than four hours of sleep a night, I can guarantee it, but how was she then able to write her two amazing books? (They are amazing, even if you don’t have twins, they are funny.)

My husband insists these women must have all had their kids in daycare, but I don’t think that’s the case. And even if they did attend the morning session, someone had to be doing the grocery shopping and cleaning the house, right? I mean, they’re not Brad and Angelina. (Who we will get to at a later date, I promise!)

The only thing I can think of is that they just did it, squeezed it in between the myriad other activities during the day, because they had to, because they felt compelled to, because it was a way to keep their sanity. I heard once that Erma Bombeck said she wrote her books a few sentences at a time while hiding in the laundry room from her kids.

I’d like to hear how these women do it once the kids get older and have afternoon activities. Or need help with their math. You know, when they’re not taking naps anymore and turning “Blue’s Clues” on doesn’t cut it. I’d also like to know who is watching the kids - and Hannah has seven - while they are filming their TV shows or giving a lecture.

I’m not being sarcastic. I really want to know. Because I want to be there for each of my kids and I want to write as well. I want to get the grocery shopping done, the house cleaned, the meals prepared and get everyone to their various after-school activities. I also need to sleep.

I’m going to give it my best shot and see how it goes. Maybe I’ll find the magic answer. My guess is it’s more about giving yourself a break, turning on the TV set every now and then and doing what you want to do, not what you feel you should be doing for the kids all the time. After an hour of doing whatever it is that your thing is, turn off the cartoons and get back to the Play-dough, but go ahead a take the time to do something other than be mom. It may seem like odd advice from women who have devoted themselves to helping moms be better moms, but I bet you that’s part of it.

More useful than the three minute makeover in my mind.