Two's Company

The older two have been away visiting their grandparents in the USA for two weeks now and I'd like to say that we have all been missing eachother terribly. Truth is that we've only telephoned twice, once to see that they arrived and once this week. Ryan and Andrew are having the time of their lives and barely have time to make it to the phone. "Mom? AGAIN? Didn't we talk to you already?!" No word yet from my parents on how THEY are holding up, but the kids are in paradise.

Damon and I, in the meantime, are having a second honeymoon. We have two pre-school age kids and it is heaven. Easy. Piece of cake. I've never had three kids, so I know nothing about three being a crowd, but two is definitely company. What a breeze!

Two is, in my mind, definitely the sane amount of children to have. Although noone has ever accused me of being sane. With one kid you have to get used to having to pay constant attention to someone other than yourself. Although, in my case, she was such a joy, that it really wasn't all that hard either. With two kids you have to learn to divide that constant attention into more than a single focus. Life-changing but also doable. By the time you hit three you are on a constant merry-go-round and my guess is it just keeps spinning faster the more you add on.

The trick would be learning to keep your balance.

It gets even trickier once a couple of the kids are in school. Then come the endless appointments, the school projects, the bake sales, the swimming and music lessons, the soccer, baseball, horsebackriding, dance. (Rock-climbing, judo, karate, Irish dance, violin, choir, theatre.....add your own here.) While none of my KIDS are overscheduled or under stress, I certainly am. Homework sucks. Group projects are a nightmare. And baking isn't a problem but volunteering at the damn event certainly is. I like most of our afterschool activities, having cut out the ones that don't suit us as a family in the past two years, but it is still an exhausting schedule.

The biggest problem is that we never have time to just BE anymore. We have an hour or two before the next appointment. Or we have to wait an hour - or two - for someone to finish up her homework. Homework kills the independent spirit and should be outlawed. Period. If they can't teach it on school time, don't shove it onto our free time at home. Period.

I really needed this summer break.

The boys and I spent twenty minutes checking out a caterpillar in the park in Stuttgart the other day. The same amount of time we spent in the bathroom in the Natural History Museum and the total amount of time we made it through the Dinosaur Museum. In between bathrooms, museums and caterpillars we just walked through the park singing songs and looking at things. Going on a bear hunt. Running foot races. Feeding the crows our bread. Doing ABSOLULTEY NOTHING on OUR OWN TIME with absolutely NO OTHER PLACE TO BE. Commitment free. What a luxury.

It also helped to have only two children, in the same age range, to entertain. No seven year old complaining that he would rather be playing soccer. No nine year old slouching behind complaining of boredom. In reverse, I wasn't having to entertain two three year olds during an hour long dance or judo class.

More importanly, no guilt, that you aren't meeting the needs of at least half of your family all of the time. (Never mind the husband and dog; one can fend for himself, the other is allowed on the sofa....you figure out which is which.)

Regrets? None at all. But having two away is teaching me a lot about how I want to go on from here. Life doesn't HAVE to end when you have kids, even twins. It's not the kids that are killing me, it's the demands and obligations we pile on ourselves after having them. F it all, I want to spend more time looking at caterpillars and less time selling coffee at the kindergarten picnic.

Not to care what others think and do my own thing, aka Ralph Waldo Emerson. Do I think I can do it? Not at first - I am a big wimp - but I am certainly going to give it a try.

I may not be able to slow down the merry-go-round, but at least I can learn to enjoy the ride.

No really, how do they do it? (Part Two)

(Written February 23, 2009)

Okay, so I’m still stuck on this one. I still haven’t found the magic answer.
I was really good today, having spent the better part of the weekend ignoring the kids and typing away at the computer like a maniac. (Funny enough, everyone seemed to have a really good weekend, supporting the theory that when mom is happy, everyone is happy.) Today I promised myself I wouldn’t even turn on the computer before I had picked up the house and spent some quality time with the older two. (Taking advantage of the fact that they have a one week school break but the twins are still in German kindergarten , the equivalent of daycare, for the morning.) Andrew and I spent an hour on his room, Ryan and I spent over an hour on hers, then we danced and played and sang a bit before I cleaned Aidan’s and Matthew’s room and picked up the kitchen while Ryan and Andrew played on their Nintendos. Ryan and I then did an hour of third grade math - with only half of the time being a battle of wills and the other half of it actually being the math itself. Both kids practiced their musical instruments and then got on the computer while I prepared lunch. We ate, I walked the dog, picked up the twins and dropped Andrew off at a friend’s house for the afternoon. Ryan spent the afternoon copying horse facts from the computer and making a book, the twins bathed, played, ate, generally dominated all of my attention - and in between I ran three loads of laundry.

I am not saying this to show off - okay maybe only a little - but by four oclock I was so exhausted that I had to make a pot of coffee to keep me going. It worked, and while the twins were happily coloring (and Ryan was still involved in her horse project) I decided to sneak off and do something for me. I called a friend.

The minute Aidan and Matthew figured out I was on the phone, they ran into the kitchen (where I was hiding) demanding cookies. See, they know I will do just about anything to shut them up when I am on the phone. They ate half a box of chocolate cookies until the dog, probably pissed off literally that he wasn’t getting any cookies, peed all over the floor. I ignored that too.

And then I thought, what would Hannah Keeley do in this situation? So I got off the phone, ran upstairs to change into a casual pants suit, found out I didn’t own any and decided on some racy lingerie under a sweat suit. I ran downstairs to find the twins already playing in the urine. I took off my glasses, quickly checked my hair, found the camera, got Ryan off of the computer and forced her to take photos of me mopping up the dog urine with a name brand paper towel. To Ryan’s immense relief (for some reason I cannot even begin to fathom she was finding the entire thing intensely embarrassing), the camera ran out of batteries after two photos or I would have made a video as well. I then spent five minutes looking for my glasses while the twins continued to play in the dog urine. By the time I got to actually cleaning up the mess, it was three times its initial size and both Aidan and Matthew needed another bath.

But I had the photos and a great idea for a great essay.

So tell me Hannah, is that the secret? I’m really beginning to think it might be. The place was covered in urine, the twins were covered in urine, Ryan was totally disgusted with me, my husband came out of the study to find me bathing the twins in my lingerie, and well…I had turned a five minute wipe-up job into an hour long ordeal. Except it really was kind of fun. And silly. And got us that much closer to bedtime without going crazy.

The magic answer for today? Don’t take it all too seriously, have some fun, and remember that noone is perfect - as a parent, as a housekeeper, as a spouse, and certainly not as all three.

Either that or a cup of coffee and a phone call to the right friend can help you make it through the rest of the evening. Or maybe a little of both.

Oh that and don’t start your career in the entertainment industry with dog urine and a pair of twins!