Tuesday, March 16, 2010
I Do Believe in Fairies
Today, she cried.
I've been trying to cover up my frustration - and frankly, my disappointment - in her since I got back from Florida.
She has no friends over, isn't invited anywhere else and has been to a total of two birthday parties the entire school year. She has dropped all activities except for horse back riding, doesn't want to practice the guitar, and doesn't leave the house unless I drag her. All she wants to do is watch H20 (Australia's answer to the High School Musical crowd) and well...watch anything at all as she sits comatose on the couch.
Until today I thought she was lazy and disinterested. Now I know that not only is she aware of her isolation at school, but that it is tearing her up inside.
It's only now, as I list them, that I recognize the hallmark signs of depression.
Forgive me Ryan. You are only ten years old. How could I have failed you already?
In the story of Peter Pan, a fairy dies every time a child says they don't believe in them.
I feel like I'm killing my fairy every day I send her into a classroom I know is no good for her.
I did speak to her teacher this evening, and, since I mentioned depression and a meeting with the principal, she is taking this seriously. What pisses me off is that this classroom situation has been a horrible one for close to four years now, that it has been horrible for almost every child in this class and that is has gone largely unacknowledged this entire time. What kind of a system puts children together for four years? Look at what happens when that group doesn't get along. And, since this same system ranks the kids as early as it does, this class dynamic (or lack of it) could potentially affect these kids for the rest of their lives. It's unforgiveable. I feel sorry for all the kids that are stuck here.
I'm more pissed off at myself for trusting the damn system, having faith that they were doing what was best for my child.
Seems like the only one who really gives a shit about your child is you.
The good news on fairies is that they apparently come to life again as soon as you believe in them.
I've just gotta get her outta here before it's too late.