Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Creation, Destruction and Balance
It occurs to me that this might all be the work of Shiva, The Destroyer.
Without destruction, there can be no creation.
Without death there can be no rebirth.
Without change there can be no growth.
No Shiva, no Brahma, no nothing.
Is that how Buddhism sprang from Hinduism?!
In any case, I've had Vishnu all wrong too. As Brahma is the Creator and Shiva the Destroyer, Vishnu is the Preserver, the balance, harmony. In times of trouble he comes to earth as an Avatar, the last few being Rama, Krishna and Buddha. Hmmm.
Balance isn't any more static than creation and destruction.
There is a time to every season and all that.
I keep thinking that to be balanced I have to have a strict routine, that I have to get up EVERY DAY at 5 AM to exercise, that I have to keep the house neat ALL THE TIME, that I should have a specific day for laundry or for groceries, a routine again. That Ryan and I should work specified hours every day at the specified time. That I should write very night. Or every afternoon. Or at least when Ian is napping.
Except that is often when I am working with Ryan. Or cleaning the house. Every now and then I lay down for fifteen minutes myself. Sigh. This is less often than I would like, once a week at best.
Today I worked out from 5:30 to 6:30, got the twins ready for school at 8:15, set up Ryan on the computer for an hour of work while I drove Andrew to district soccer try-outs being held from 9 - 2. I didn't stay. I came home, helped Ryan with a minor personal drama, reviewed her short story, sat and read with Ian while she rewrote the ending, worked on fractions and then, at 11:20, sat the two of them in front of Sesame Street while I vacuumed and picked up the house for a last minute meeting with the real estate agent. Then the pool safety guy came by. Lunch. More maths. Gypsies. Picked up Andrew. Grocery run. The twins. Set up for soccer at 4:30. One hour to work on my story before my writing group, dinner and off.
Last night we did homework and reading.
Friday night we played board games.
Sometime in the last two weeks I've cleaned the bathrooms. Maybe three. Weeks not bathrooms.
I haven't written much of anything until just before our meeting.
Working out, writing, keeping house, feeding everyone and most importantly, BEING PRESENT, are all important to me.
But I have two hours from 5 AM to 7 AM to either workout, write or - and some days I just need this - sleep. I can't go on four hours sleep for more than two nights. SIx is doable for longer. But at some point I need eight. Preferably more.
Being present for my children has taken priority to an immaculate home, to a finished novel and to down time for myself. Sleep I need. And exercise and writing.
What I am learning is that there are ebbs and flows to this balance as well. Some weeks, or months, I am more capable of staying up late to write. Other weeks I need to run or work-out. Yoga.
It doesn't make me a less-balanced person to go with these natural ebbs and flows.
Because the true balance in my life right now lies in being there for my children. The rest are necessary, but minor, counterweights.
If I can't find God in my family, if I can't find God in myself, then I am looking in the wrong places. My children are my Destroyers, but they are also my Creators and my Preservers.
Hindus believe that there are many paths to the One Truth.
My family grounds me enough to allow me to find my own.