Home-Schooling

I'm not really complaining, more bragging really.

Because, see, I have a new problem, that's not really a problem, since I've already admitted that I'm bragging.

I came home from English group on Wednesday to find the kitchen table completely covered in cardboard boxes. Painted. To resemble barns.

Next I went to my desk. Only to find it covered in research material. On horses. Smack in the middle - on top of my latest work - was the beginning of Ryan's book.

I couldn't get on the Internet until after she went to bed because Ryan was busy printing out pictures for her book.

She's been asking me to proofread her writing. So I guess that makes me her editor.

And while I'm at it. Andrew isn't sleeping at night. Because he wants to get through his book series before summer.

Matthew is writing his name. Aidan is taking down lunch orders for his restaurant.

And yeah, I'm a LITTLE less worried about the home schooling.

Turns out Australia is WAY AHEAD of Germany in math anyway.

That means I get to cover decimals and fractions on my own with them.

It just seems so much easier without the obstacle of sending them to school every morning!

And, worst (best?) case scenario, they can all serve burgers at Aidan's restaurant!

Fourth Grade Math - Simply Ridiculous

I've got the answer to why Germany is doing so poorly in international math standings.

In order to arrive at the answer you take the original number, multiply its last numeral by two and subtract this answer from the original number minus its last numeral.

Are you people kidding me?

What a complete waste of time.

The other thing you could do, since the above describes how to determine if a large number is divisible by seven or not, is just to divide the damn number by SEVEN!

This is in fourth grade. In second grade you aren't allowed to simply learn how to add the numbers, you need to prove you can do it in pyramid form, in line-graph form and in stick-figure form. All of which were originally meant to be aids to understanding, but have somehow turned into the objective itself.

Adding two numbers together is also wrong, regardless of a correct answer, if you haven't solved it according to the latest mind game that day. Next day, a completely new way. Again, meant to get the kids to THINK, but awfully confusing when they aren't allowed to digest the first way before heading on to the next.

By trying to prove to the whole world that our kids can do EVERYTHING, Germany isn't TEACHING them much of ANYTHING. (Americans learn it one way, the French another, but look look, we're so clever we can do it ALL!)

The smart kids ignore the whole thing. And can.

The rest don't seem to have any idea what is expected of them.

All of which seems to be perfectly fine with the teachers as long as they use rulers to make certain the lines are perfectly straight, and PEN to make it look neater.

Pen. If you take that pen, subtract it from two other pens and then twirl it counter clockwise around in your left hand, well, I think you know where you can stick it!

Third Grade Math - Part Three

Ryan's third grade is going to be taking the standardized math tests next week, the ones that are used to compare results state and nationwide and possibly even internationally. Naturally, the teachers are in an uproar. Me - I know where MY kid stands, and I'm even starting to get used to it and accept her for who she is.

The rest of the third grader's in the nation may well be open to page 17 in their math books, but my child not only isn't on the same page as everyone else - she's in a different book entirely.

I noticed it on her last math test - another 3 -4 , the equivalent of a C in the USA. The equivalent of trade school here in Germany. The funny thing is, she did fine on most of the math she actually did. Her problem wasn't the math, it was sticking with the program. And it didn't bother her at all to make something up entirely just because she didn't want to deal with the program at all.

Funny enough, I was relieved. Phew. She got the math.

The teachers call her a dreamer. In German, this isn't a compliment - probably more the equivalent to having her head stuck in the clouds. And no feet on the ground.

The practice standardized test the two of us just worked on for two hours was hysterically funny. Again, she had the math - and she had a great time with it - adding numbers, figuring out charts and graphs, deciphering patterns - anything at all, except for actually answering the question. Again, I am relieved - the mind works. But noone else is going to be impressed - because it's not working in the standardized way.

My husband just told me about the 2 year old who had been inducted into MENSA with an IQ of 154. Not to belittle the achievement, but I don't believe in IQ scores. Not that the kid doesn't have to be spectacularly brilliant to be able to UNDERSTAND the test at all. Poor thing. Where is that going to get her when she's already labelled at the age of 2? Is she too smart too throw herself off the back of the couch to see if she can fly? Or to paint- or write an essay -in crayon on the living room wall? Unroll the toilet paper?

I believe IQ scores test common intelligence - what society takes to be intelligence - and that it is an artificial label of intelligence. In the 1950's women scored consistently higher than men until officials "corrected" the test to reflect what they wanted. Blacks and minorities have also historically scored lower - until for the last 30 years developing countries have increased scores dramatically - due largely in part to a more sophisticated and technical society. (I read this recently, but will have to figure out where and document it properly if I ever decide to publish; I'm hoping you'll take my workd for it.) People with high IQ scores ARE intelligent, but I don't think it's the IQ scores that prove this.

As for me, I'm using my above average IQ score (in grade school at least) to try to understand a child who wouldn't break even on it - she'd be too busy doodling on the sides of the pages or building different configurations with the bricks. Possibly just staring into space.

I have to feel sorry for her teachers - after all, they are the ones who are judged on the scores. They will continue to tell me that she is unfocused and needs to learn to take things more seriously.

Me - I'm going to have to agree that she needs to memorize her multiplication tables at some point. (Maybe this summer when she's visiting my parents?) But I'm beginning to accept that she's not sticking to the script. Everyone else is studying their lines - and Ryan's making up her own.

Don't get me wrong - I'm terrified. I know where the script leads - college, career success, financial security. And I have no idea where Ryan's is leading her. (Add to that the fact that the government is threatening to close the small, local trade school she would be starting in fifth grade and to send the kids to a large, impersonal one with as little individual attention as the college track gets.....well, I'd finally begun to accept her path, and then they close it. But that's another essay for the German politicians.)

In the meantime Ryan's class continues to prepare for next week's testing. Her teachers keep hoping she'll shape up, wake up, get her head out of the clouds, keep her feet on the ground. Of course I'm hoping for good grades too - but I'm done trying to bring her down to earth.

What good would that do? She hasn't read the rule book anyway!

Don't Shoot The Dog (Third Grade Math, Part Two)

Just in case I came across as too grounded at the end of my last essay on third grade math. You know, a couple of bad months of homework stress, a life lesson learned, personal growth achieved, end of story type stuff. Like you need to read that self-congratulatory sugary nonsense.

I'm here to assure you that I really DO finally understand the metric system.

But also that 3 times 6 does NOT equal 19, nor does it equal 21, nor will it EVER equal 19 or 21 no matter how much you don't feel like doing the homework and no matter how much you are going to punish your mother for making you do it. Sigh.

I pulled out the wooden blocks to explain what TIMES actually means. Went through it from 3 times 1 to 3 times 2 all the way up to 3 times 6. I was really really really patient. Which just pissed Ryan off more because the whole point was that she knew darn well what 3 times 6 was, she was just going to make my life hell.


She ended up in her room and I ended up in on the phone with a friend, in tears.

And then I remembered what we used to tell owners when they brought their dogs to the behavioral clinic at vet school. I mean, these dogs were nuts. And the owners were desperate, desperate enough to spend hundreds of dollars and 6 to 8 hours of their time at the clinic asking for our advice. Why couldn't they get this dog to behave? What could they do better? Why could other people get their dogs to behave? What had they done wrong?

Sure - we had a couple of cases where we DID help the owners learn how to better work with their dogs. (Just like Ryan's teacher has taught me how to teach her math.) But for the most part, these dogs were nuts, and many were dangerous. And we repeatedly told the owners that this was NOT THEIR FAULT. Training, discipline - you know, nurture - works with 99 percent of dogs. They are pack animals; they WANT to follow you. Look at the idiots out there who don't know what the heck they are doing. And the kids - I mean the dogs - turn out fine.

For the most part, it is really hard to mess up. A little food. A lot of love. And the rest really takes care of itself. Good God, if it took a perfect parent to raise a child, we would be in serious trouble.

And so the vast majority of us muddle on with our imperfections - the family pets do fine. They DO learn to multiply eventually, and to read, and to behave.
But there are no easy answers for the ones that refuse to fit the mold. And it is really hard as the parent of a child who is NOT doing well, to watch the idiots around you doing just fine with theirs.

Karen Pryor is the author of a book on behavior, animal and human, called Don't Shoot The Dog. The basic premise as I recall from over fifteen years ago is that there are a number of solutions to dealing with behavioral problems, in this case a barking dog. Shooting the dog is one solution. But don't worry, there are others.

I don't know that there is a cut and dried answer to Ryan's schoolwork issues. The books all state the obvious - the stuff that would work in 90 percent of the cases. (I had a similar problem when Andrew wouldn't sleep through the night for two years. Since the stuff that worked in the overwhelming majority of the cases wasn't working, it was obviously my fault; I was doing something wrong.) The only simple answers come from mothers whose kids obviously don't have this problem; otherwise the answers wouldn't be so simple.

And so it does come down to how you deal with it from here on in after all.

The best answer came from my friend. Breathe deep. Really. Breathe deep. I know you want to kill her, she said, but just take it easy and take care of yourself. THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. This dog was just not meant to run with the pack.

And so my responsibility shifts - from taking the blame for my daughter's problems with her homework - to taking credit for dealing with it in a calm and loving manner. Forgiving her and moving on.

THIS IS NOT MY FAULT. But I really do wish she would sit and stay.