Twitter Three: Somewhere Over the Bay of Bengal

Twitter Three: Somewhere Over Bay of Bengal


Okay. That didn't look good. I just turned on the touchscreen in front of me to see where we are and the little plane that is supposed to be us was falling from the lower left of the screen over the ocean with red sparks shooting out of its rear. Oh. There it goes again. Someone should really work on that simulation.

Since the local time from departure is still reading 7:37 and the local time at destination 15:37 I am going to assume we are okay. I can't imagine the pilot would be checking the accuracy of the clocks if we were plummeting from the sky. And, just to be clear here, I wouldn't want a countdown either.

I also wouldn't want an excited eight year old with blocked auditory passages screaming ''we're going down. We're going down.'' Our apologies to the folks on the Stuttgart to London flight for that. He's bilingual. He meant landing. Our mistake.

Other gems from THAT flight included Andrew asking if they spoke English in London. They give it their best shot, I replied.

And then they all kept their eyes out for Wolfy as we flew above the clouds.

So far the flight has been pretty fantastic. We boarded at 9PM London time. Which was 10 PM German time and 11 PM to our brains. We figured, heck, since we're totally screwing up our inner clocks anyway, let's not even bother adjusting to the end of daylight savings. And Heathrow is my new favorite airport to fly through, but there isn't much daylight in London to save anyway. Thank goodness the people were so lovely.

Americans have never given the British much credit for a sense of humor. Maybe because they didn't get that whole dressing up as Indians and throwing a tea party thing a while back. But, I gotta tell you, the twins and I drew smiles, chuckles and outright guffaws at Heathrow. Also quite a crowd, since I didn't realize until well into an hour into our stay that we were performing behind the departures information board.

The thing about Heathrow is that they actually seem to want you to get where you are going. They have signs pointing you in the proper directions. I wanted to take pictures. You have to understand that I have spent a lot of time connecting through Paris. Maybe I'm easily impressed.

Heathrows' international departures area could use a childrens' play area though. I mean, how much perfume does the world really need? And I appreciate the fancy sushi bars and posh drinking clubs. But really, wouldn't you enjoy them better if my children weren't playacting fire scenarios right behind you?

Maybe not. We picked a fairly wide, fairly traffic-free corridor and proceeded to play. This was after the fiasco in TGIFs where I ordered water all-around and drew the enmity of the waitress. I was scared to ask for refills but Damon found a water fountain later all. We all made a pilgrimage. It appears we may have spent too much time in Germany not to suffer lasting effects!

It appears as if I am going to have to stop speaking to the kids in English too. Either that or put-down a hat and start doing stand-up comedy on the corner. Germans do their best to avoid kids in any language. Who would have thought we could be a source of amusement rather than disdain? We're not pathetic. Turns out the Brits think we're funny.

Aidan planted himself in the middle of the perfume aisle and announced he was staying there. This was after the color game had worn off. (You know, find something ORANGE in the airport. How about something GREEN?) And the animal game. And the don't step on the cracks game. Which unintentionally turned into the don't knock over the little old lady with the walker game. So that when Aidan announced he was going to SIT, I was relieved. Regardless of the fact that it was in the middle of the store. Matthew followed suit. The nice lady behind us stepped over them, looked over at me calmly standing to the side taking a breather, and nodded her head sagely,

''Oh. Boys.'' And calmly went about her business with no further ado.

I believe the sight of us makes other people appreciate their own good fortune!

The Christmas trip to Florida with two 18 month olds and a bad case of stomach flu puts it all in perspective for me.

We also drew chuckles on the way to the boarding gate. The signs pointed us in the proper direction. 25 – 42. As the ducklings marched through the airport with their matching backpacks, I asked Damon what gate we were looking for. ''42.'' he replied. ''42?!'' I thought he was joking. ''42.'' he repeated. We could have been opening at the improv.

My favorite audience though was the group of four businessmen looking for their departure gate. Aidan and Matthew had done the fireman routine. Complete with daddy fireman coming home to care for baby fireman. And put down food and water for the dog. Which turned into a dog routine. And then the circus. With clown car. (Matthew is going to make a GREAT mime someday.)

''Mommy,“ said one of my firemen, ''now you have to get down on your knees and cry like a baby.“

I'd already started to reply that there were a LOT of things I would do to keep them quiet in the Heathrow airport but that getting down on my hands and knees was not one of them when I realized that the businessmen were all looking in my direction expectantly. I swear a couple of them had tears in their eyes they were laughing so hard.

Boys.

Probably could have earned some extra cash too.

But the water's free anyway.