What The Kids Have Taught Us

You learn something every day. And this time I am sticking to the present tense, because the past is just too darn confusing. (The other option is to change the verb from "learn" to "taught" as I did in the title, but that throws me into the passive voice.)

Learned or learnt? Well, after some Internet research it appears to be a matter of some debate. No news really that English is a language in constant change.

And darn it, I just knew my lack of knowledge about tenses would get me into trouble some day! WHERE IS THE EDITOR WHEN I NEED HIM?! (I actually know where he is, through facebook, and know he is dealing with more important matters than grammar right now.) What about the rest of you teaching English? Any comments?

What I discovered is that "learned" and "learnt" are both past tenses of the word "learn." (But thanks for opening up that barrel of worms, Brenda. As if I'm not worried enough about my qualifications to home-school already!)

Learnt is the past participle. Whatever that means.

Learnt is also the "T" form out of the Old English, and derived from the German. Ich lerne. Du lernst. Er lernt. Wir lernen. Ihr lernt. Sie lernen. (Which may explain why Brenda uses it?) It is often referred to as the English form - which may explain why Mark uses it. But it is being phased out in American English. And also losing ground in English English.

Which is going to be my excuse for not even knowing about it.

So what have we learned from our children?

Claire is requesting better questions. More embarrassing Mommy stories and less soul-searching on the Internet!

Brenda is correcting my grammar. (And the reason I just looked up "embarrassing" in the dictionary just now!)

But they came up with some gems for me too. Thank-you.

1. That there are more important things to worry about than finger-prints on the windows.

2. To put a can of air-freshener in each room. Kids stink a lot!

3. That it is hard to grow up. Seeing the real thing in front of you, makes you realize when you are acting childish yourself.

4. To enjoy the kids you really have to immerse yourself in them. Which means giving up some of your self.

Thanks ladies.

And we got more, one from a Dad too.

5. We were so busy getting ready and preparing and cooking and baking and cleaning for Levi's party, that in a sense for the two days leading up to the party we neglected him. We kept chasing him out of the way because he wanted to show us something or do something with us but we were too busy getting ready to respond to him.

Mark and Liesl Do have their priorities straight. Levi. Not the fingerprints on the windows!

6. Laura has learned - the hard way - that kids listen AND REPEAT the things they hear. Hence Morgen, at age three, coming up with such gems as "Are you serious?" and "You're killing me!" as well as a well-placed "Je-SUS" when her Dad hit the brakes a bit too hard. This is my niece. If you want to get the full effect, listen to how I say the first two. My sister and I sound exactly alike despite not having grown up together after the first 9 years of her life. My guess is her daughter sounds exactly like us both. Would like to think we're passing on the GOOD parts of ourselves too!

7. Not to bother wishing for more hours in a day. Because that just means more cleaning and not more sleeping.

8. That sometimes you wish they'd grow up faster and sometimes you wish they'd stay this little forever.

9. Sarah has learned that English is a strange language and hard to explain. As in having to reassure her son that "he didn't really kill it. That's just an expression." Hmmm.....better not have him talking to Morgen!

I honestly hadn't expected that level of soul-searching. Noone mentioned:

10. The ability to change a diaper with one hand, standing in the middle of the swimming pool, while watching the other three diving off the high-board. (Damon's cousin Stefanie about nine years ago. I will never forget it.)

11. How to nurse -or worse yet, prepare and feed a bottle - in the middle of the night without waking up completely. (I had a night with Damon away where I managed to nurse one of the twins, while reaching over past him to his brother with a bottle simultaneously ...all while still somehow managing to keep my head on the pillow! People in my yoga class wonder why I'm so flexible!)

Mostly I think we learn to deal with (and laugh at?) the ridiculous and focus on what's really important.

I really want to hear about your dreamhouses. (And we can keep adding to this list too.)

I promise Claire, after that we'll get to some barfing in the car and kids commenting on the size of your butt to strangers.

Here's hoping you all have learnt (or learned?) as much from this as I have!

Thank you.

HELP!

helpw
My God, you find out someone you know is pregnant with twins and it is actually painful NOT to offer advice. It's well-intentioned; why have her spend three weekends looking for a twin stroller, and another on car seats, when you've already done the research and figured it out? You 've already read the books - and in retrospect figured out which advice to heed and which to ignore - so why not share this vast wealth of knowledge you've accumulated?

Don't worry. I know why. It's because, like anything else in life, everyone has to find their own way. I found the 500 Euro stroller small enough to fit through a single door and manueverable enough to take off-roading, but you may want to fork out the 1200 Euros for the Urban Duo - let's face it, I still do a double take and stop to admire one whenever I see it, kind of like my husband checks out classic automobiles.

The "stuff" is the least of it. The rest you will also read in books and on websites - the schedule keepers to keep track of feedings, the pros and cons of dressing the kids alike or not, blah, blah, blah, blah,blah. One could write a book about it - and so many have - that it is really NOT worth repeating here - in a blog that is SUPPOSED to be helping you MAINTAIN your sanity!

Two things you'll read and hear over and over. And you won't believe them until you've been there yourself. And then you'll repeat them to other future twin moms who will most likely not believe them either. But they are worth repeating. And maybe if you hear them often enough, you'll at least want to believe them even if you can't quite bring yourself to do it yet.

The first is that you too will wake up one day after the twins are two to three years old and realize you have made it past the hard part.

You're not going to believe it until you are there but you too will wake up one day after the twins are two to three years old and realize you have made it through the hard part. (Did I mention it was worth repeating?!)

The second is hard for me to bring up. Only because I promised myself not to preach. And also because I really didn't listen to this one myself. HELP! As in, get it. I think twin moms have it tough because, let's face it, with triplets NOT getting help is out of the question. But with twins, we're still on shaky ground. One COULD do it alone - and many do. And I, for one, felt I should be able to.

So I'm not talking about help as in a nanny or a nighttime nurse, even if you can afford it. Because that is a personal decision in any case and because I think the form of help is going to differ for everyone. I'm also not going to suggest finding time for yourself - because for the first six months I was totally content to immerse myself in the kids and to think of nothing else. Why should we feel pressured to be MORE than a mother, at a time when mothering is challenging - and rewarding enough - in itself? Others will need time alone at the mall, or an evening out with girlfriends - although my guess is that what most of us wanted those first six months was sleep.


Everyone's help will be different. Here's MY list:

1. Cleaning lady. I lasted three months without one. After that I had someone come once a week for the first year. I did it myself again the second year, again this need to prove I could do it alone, and now have someone come every other week. It's a luxury we really can't afford - but on the other hand we can't afford to have me lose my mind either. And a sparkling home every other week - even for only a few hours - keeps ME sane.

2. Daycare. It really helped me that the older two were in kindergarten and first grade respectively. It didn't seem like enough - they only go from 8 to 12:30 here in Germany- but it gave me time to devote exclusively to the twins. My big dark secret is that the twins started morning daycare early too. They are now in a morning "kindergarten" group for two year olds and will move to the regular German kindergarten (for three to six year olds) for four hours in the morning starting in September. There are endless debates on this - with more material for another blog entry! I did it for ME as much as for the twins.

3. Getting out. Definitely a personal decision, but for me, it is easier to be outside somewhere with the four kids than it is to stay inside in a cramped apartment. Plus, I get compliments and admiration for my fantastic mothering skills from strangers who don't know I was pulling my hair out and yelling at the kids to get into the damn car NOW please, on the way there. The kids are happier, I am happier, and the afternoon flies by.

4. Flexible husband hours. Not everyone can do this, but it certainly DOES help if dad can be home in time to help with dinner and with getting everyone to bed. OUR Dad works from home since he was laid off when the twins were six months old - with lots of cons but some pros - but we have used this to our advantage. He is able to help take the older two to music class for 45 minutes on Mondays and Andrew to soccer for an hour on Wednesdays. All little things that add up to a lot. If Dad can't do this, find some neighbors to help - you will be amazed at how many people are willing to help - especially if they are driving there anyway with their kid - if only you ask.

Like I said, I didn't listen to a word of this when I had my twins. (Have I mentioned that I'm a slow learner?!) Especially that part about asking neighbors for help.

You too will wake up one day after the twins are two to three years old and realize you have made it through the hard part.