God's Answer

Well, listen Lord, I'd say that was uncalled for, but I have to admit, I wouldn't have listened without that big punch to the eye.  (That's a mean hook you got there, for a non corporeal being!)

Yeah, but Bobbi  LIKES running!

I was up at 4:45 AM again on Friday and dressed to go to the gym (did I promise to do nothing ALL month?!) and feeling rather lousy, but it was just a cold right, and it was only one hour of body pump, right and...oh dear, lookie there, turns out I can't see out of that right eye because it is almost swollen shut.  ( For those of you who don't get up at 4:45 AM,  it is often hard to determine just how horrible you feel that early in the morning, how much is the early hour and how much of it you will shake off once the sun has risen.  I also don't see well that early in the morning, so stumbling blindly looking out of one eye really wasn't all that out of the ordinary!)

But God, did you really have to give me a black eye to make me slow down?

Yeah.  I guess you did.

The swelling had gone down by evening though.  Enough to make it to yoga class.

If that sneezing fit you sent me hadn't laid my out flat, thanks.  Louise Hay (Heal Your Body) interprets you nicely for those of us too dumb - or too stubborn - to understand you ourselves.  A cold signifies too much going on at once.  Mental confusion, disorder.  No duh, right?!

She says respiratory ailments signal a fear to taking life in fully. 

So about those breathing problems I've been having. 

You're right.  I don't feel worthy.  Unless I am losing weight, lifting more weight, running faster, holding warrior pose longer.  Oh dear.  Yoga isn't supposed to be competitive. 

The running especially, Lord, started out as fun.  And now it is about how often I do it and how early I get up to train.  It is about breaking my personal best. 

Running for what?  To what?  From what?  If I am totally honest with myself, I don't even LIKE running that much.  I like that I CAN.  But it seems kind of pointless to just keep trying to go faster and faster.  Why TRY to make your lungs hurt?  Unless you love it.  Which I don't.  I like being outside, I like some activity, I like the buzz I get from doing it.  But that's not loving the run, that's loving the result.

I am squeezing in more and more classes.  On a slow week I still do four to five. 

And it's never enough.  I can always do more.  I can always eat less. 

Can I squeeze it all in, Lord?   Yeah, but for how long and at what cost?

What AM I trying to prove?

What would rush in to fill the emptiness left if I slowed down?

Ah, but that's the Tao speaking, Lord.

Emptiness.

I'm willing to give it a go, Lord.

But it's nice to know you're there to knock me out cold if I ever need help!