Sunday, August 18, 2013

About The Gym

There are a few things I realised at the gym this morning.

One:  I like going.  Even if I was my ideal 65 kg weight, I'd still want to keep going.

Two:  People at my new gym are nice too and I need to get over all this bullshit about missing my old place and move on.   People move through our lives at a certain time for a certain reason.  When life tells you it is time to move on it is because you are ready for new experiences.  Embrace the change.  This does not mean you don't treasure your old friends or the time you had with them.  It means you are accepting that there are good people and good experiences left to meet.  SURRENDER!

Three:  Sleep is important.

Four:  Balance is important.

Five:  Saying NO is important.  Realising that maybe now isn't the time to start getting up at 4:45 again is important.  Even if that new class looks really really great.  

Six:  Balance is really hard for someone like me.  I want it all.

Seven:  This has to be FUN, not about weight loss or about building muscle mass but about FUN!

Has anyone else noticed that I spend way too much time thinking while I am working out?!  This is why belly dance class on Thursday nights has been so good for me.  I only started recently, and our first dance is relatively straightforward but when my mind wanders - when I start thinking about how great this would be to write about or about how good I feel and maybe, just maybe, I should do that pump class at 5:30 AM tomorrow - I forget the steps.  I have to focus on the dance.  It is forcing me to be present in the moment.

Margaret also tells us that if it isn't working, or if it hurts, that we are trying too hard.  This is totally different from what I hear at the gym.  Push harder.  Try harder.  You can do it.  No pain, no gain.

Eight: What I have to realise is that personal trainers are trained to work with normal people.  I am not normal.  A normal person apparently hears these words and ignores them if they feel like it.  No thanks, I don't need to push that hard today.  No thanks, I don't need that extra effort.

I take every word to heart.  Why would they be saying them if they weren't meant to be taken literally?

It's an Asperger's thing.  Why do normal people keep saying they want one thing and then continually do another?!  I don't get it. 

So today I had fun and ignored the instructor if I felt like it.  Like a normal person.

I've been pushing myself so hard that a few of the trainers have told me to slow down and sleep in a while.  Note to self:  having five kids is not an excuse to ignore, but a reality to appreciate.

Nine:  I still had problems breathing at the end of the class and it's not all in my head and it's not all about stress.  And when I have problems breathing then I do start to breathe more in my chest because that is where I can't breathe.  It's not horrid, but it is uncomfortable.  And it is a sign of high blood pressure.  My vanity tells me to ignore it: I AM working out, I AM eating well, I AM NOT remarkably overweight or underfit.  But the reality is that 150/100 might need medication.  And how awesome would it feel to be able to run again without feeling so horrible at the end of it?

How much less stressful would my life be if I could breathe again?

How much less stressful is it once I realise that it isn't about getting there, but about enjoying being where you already are!

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