Tuesday, May 17, 2011

The Vegemite Conspiracy

To lighten up the mood a bit:

This, mates, is bacon Aussie-size.

Here's our non - Aussie view of Vegemite. 

The funny thing is, this is one of the first questions you get asked when Aussies notice that you speak English kinda funny.

As in "So, how do ya like the Vegemite then, mate?"

As if they don't already know the answer.

Casual dining, Aussie-style.
Truth is, NOONE who has not been raised on the stuff can like Vegemite.  Oprah, when she did her show here, did a FANTASTIC job of either pretending to like the stuff.  Or she really did.  In which case she is either a phenomenal actress (remember her in ' The Color Purple?' - AWESOME!) and/or she really DOES have a glandular problem and an eating disorder.

The big secret is that I don't think Aussies actually like the stuff either.

I say this because of the hints they give you on how to eat it when you admit that:

A.  It is quite salty.
B.  It tastes like undiluted soup bouillion.  (Try a packet of Maggi and see if you like it!)
C.  You only tried it straight off a spoon once.  (Like Oprah did, God bless her.)

Aussies will agree on the salty AND the soup bouillion bits.  And then make a face when you tell them you ate it straight off a spoon.  Kinda like the face you'd make if you - well - ate Vegemite straight off a spoon.

April, after-breakfast swim.  Who can argue with that?

The trick is, they tell you, to toast the bread first, smear on a LARGE amount of butter and then, only then, add JUST A HINT of Vegemite.  Not too much, they caution you.  Just a hint is key here.

In which case you might as well just be sprinking your morning toast with salt.  Or soup bouillion.  Except those two, apparently, aren't as healthy for you as yeast extract.  Which, as far as I can figure out, is what Vegemite actually is.

As far as questionable bread spreads go, the Americans actually seem to be the healthiest here.  PB and J - another icky spread you have to be raised on to love.  But at least - peanut butter - an actual protein source.  The Brits have THEIR version of yeast extract.  The French just eat chocolate croissants and don't apologize.  You have to love that.

But the Germans take the cake.  Or the breakfast spread in this case.  They have somehow managed to convince not only insanenly neurotically health -conscious German mothers that Nutella, a sugary chocolate spread, made of predominantly sugar and vegetable oil, is a good part of a balanced breakfast, but managed to market it to the world as well.  Because there are some hazel nuts in it.  Which are noted as a cautionary sidenote to allergic individuals.

I really gotta love that the best.  And let's face it, if I have the choice of smearing Vegemite or Nutella on my breakfast toast, the chocolate will win hands down every time.

Topped off with a game of rugby.

I really DO love this country. 

Enough to tell you that in addition to the large number of snakes, spiders and crocodiles swarming our suburbs, we also have the best breakfast spread around.

I just won't add that it's made in Germany!

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