Wednesday, February 3, 2010
For ten years I've been telling my daughter that she is good enough. Good enough to do what the others do, good enough to be like everybody else.
Because I'm a wimp and always made sure I could go with the grain before I went against it.
Ryan was supposed to be like me, surpass academic expectations and then do whatever she wanted.
Fit in first. THEN do what you want. Where the hell has that gotten me?
Ryan is her own person regardless of whether she fits in or not. And don't get me wrong here, she doesn't fit in at all. She's a bit odd, flighty, spacey, slow, dreamy, creative, and in her own world. And she doesn't mind; she does what she wants.
She's in constant trouble at school. You see, she doesn't know her place. She is smaller, slower, darker and weirder than the other kids. Which would be fine if she would just acknowledge her inferiority and take her proper place in the heirarchy. Do this. Play that. Be completely grateful that she is a part of it at all.
The teachers certainly don't know what to make of her. Ryan is perfectly content to just be herself, regardless of what the others think. How rare.
I'm taking lessons from her now.
I was trying to give Ryan self-worth by having her fit in.
She is teaching me self-worth by showing me I don't have to.