Saturday, October 26, 2013

North Lakes Park Run Suggestions

Now that North Lakes Park Run has celebrated it's first birthday, I believe I have several suggestions that might improve the running experience for all of us.

  1. Cake and lollies at the finish line every week.
  2. Points taken off for all those runners racing the course in under 20 minutes. What's the rush, guys? There is plenty of cake for everyone. No need to lap me in order to get to the biscuits faster!
  3. We need to kick out those guys running with the prams. Never mind that they are at the front of the pack and in nobody's way at all. I mean, honestly, as if we aren't dodging enough obstacles on our paths to self-esteem.
  4. I'm actually okay with one kid in the pram, but that man lapping me with two kids in the pram? Really. He has to go.
  5. At the very least I think we need to check those prams for motors.  
  6. Other people we need to come down on are really muscular looking guys who look like they spend time lifting weights at the gym. I'm okay with the lean and mean one's lapping me; that's what you expect from runners. But looking like a body builder AND running fast just isn't fair. Let's focus on one fitness area at a time here, shall we? Weights or cardio.
  7. Although those guys ARE nice to run behind. Maybe we can just ask them to slow down a bit once they lap me?
  8. I'd also appreciate a warning before they pass me. Just in case I feel an extra burst of energy, I'd like to have that option to at least attempt to beat them to the finish line! (I can't always hear them coming over the sounds of my own lungs threatening to give up the ghost. Maybe they could wear a bell or something.)
  9. And no, I don't think we need to quibble over whether it's their third lap and my second. I think it's very important to let me retain my fantasy, if not my dignity.
  10. (Speaking of behinds; do we have counselling available for those people running behind MINE?)
  11. I also think anyone running the course in under 20 minutes should be made to run a fourth lap.
  12. Lap four requires the runner to hand out bottled water to anyone he or she passes on the way. (In horse racing, they call this handicapping!)
  13. Anyone cheeky enough to not find this exhausting can do a fifth lap and a sixth as well. Dare I suggest using the prams?! To pick up the rest of us, I mean. It's obvious some of these people are enjoying the running. How do you punish someone like that?! They're already RUNNING LAPS. (And those pram guys HAVE their kids with them!)
  14. We also need to talk to the photographer. C'mon, we ALL like a GOOD picture. And who doesn't want to prove that they've been there that week? I know. I know. I still have a bit of weight to lose and the camera DOES add 10 lbs / 5 kgs. So how many cameras does he have on me? And that photo of me eating cake and talking to a friend. Yes, I WAS asking if I could have another slice. Did he have to document it?!
  15. Running with that balloon really DID slow me down. Who do I petition to have five minutes taken off my time that day?

What? What's that you say? Coffee hour after the run is open to everyone? There IS cake and coffee every week?

Oh. Never mind the rest of it then. I'll see you next week.

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