Thursday, February 2, 2012

Use Your Hands, Luke!

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away...

Or just this week, on a continent on the other side of the globe...
Hey, how come I have to be Leia?!
my boys are dressed in black and white, chasing eachother around the house with lightsabers.

Matthew, who has always had a predilection to power, is Anakin BEFORE Vader this morning.  He's dressed - to kill as it were - in black sneakers and jeans, an inside out black Spider-man Tee and a black plastic vampire cape we bought for them all when they went to school dressed as Harry Potter for 'Come As Your Favourite Literary Character Day' last year.

Aidan, as Luke, is wearing grey sweatpants and a white shirt. 

Defying the space-time continuum as only childhood can, Anakin and Luke team up to go and combat the real bad guys.

As I sit in the armchair breastfeeding baby Leia. 
(Harry Potter is spread across the sofa immersed in a Horrible Histories book and not taking part in the action this morning.  He's got his list of spells at his side and his hand-made wand at the ready.)

"I wonder who'd win, Darth Vader or Voldemort."  Andrew ponders.

"I guess it would depend on if the Force is magic.  Or if magic can defeat the Force."

Pause.  "I bet Dumbledore can defeat Darth Vader though."  And back to the history book.

We get questions like this all the time and so, as mother to a number of great and powerful Jedi warriors, I have one of my own.
What does it take to get ANY of you people to actually pee INTO the toilet bowl?

Not around it, not near it, not onto the rim and into the corner.

But actually INTO the bowl itself.

Quick hint.  That's what it's there for.

It is not there as a reminder or as a suggestion or as a "give it your best go" as you pull down your pants mid-battle with the enemy and take a vague general swipe in a vague direction.

I'm begging you people, stop peeing on my floor and pretending not to notice.

Ah hell, who am I kidding.  Noone's pretending. 

I'll even leave the lid up for you to make it easy.

But you do have to place your body part somewhere near the bowl to ever have a shot at it. 

That's right.  Slow down.  Put down the light saber.  Well, yeah, THAT light saber, put it down.

Do I have to make you people SIT to do it?  How utterly un-Jedi would THAT be?

Although, if you ARE sitting, because you know, sometimes you about aiming the little guy down in the right direction? 
Luke and Leia with two knights who later swapped head gear for lightsabers and became Jedi
I mean, I'm all cool with the whole "using the Force" thing, really I am.

But when you pee, how about giving it a go with your hands instead?

At least until the Force gets better aim.

I'll be Dumbledore can hit the toilet.

Jean Luc can DEFINITELY hit the toilet.

And as Trek creeps into Wars ( I really DO need to get more sleep).....

To boldly go where no man has gone before.....INTO the toilet bowl.

1 comment:

  1. I am so with you! I am tired of cleaning pee puddles of my bathroom floor because one 4 1/2 year old is too busy to aim!