The rules didn't used to apply to me.
Why am I so crushed by them now?
If only someone had told me children were like Horcruxes.
They are more than carrying your heart forever on the outside, fragile, as someone once stated.
They tear apart your soul.
Until there is nothing left of you.
Although, once you have had them, you are nothing without them either.
Without my anxiety, my world is grey.
I can't remember the last time I felt joy - true, unrestrained joy - without boundaries or barriers or obligations or texpectations, without timelines and deadlines to meet.
Is this all there is?
Is this what I came here for?
How long can a soul run on empty?
What's after empty?
(Hmmm...maybe if I took a WHOLE dose of St John's Wort I wouldn't worry about this so much any more. )
A friend once told me that it depends on what fills the emptiness.
I am waiting.
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