Monday, December 20, 2010
Christmas Greetings - American Style
''Glad you're happy and all, but do you mind toning it down a bit? You DO realize that it's snowing here, right?!'' (This from Lori quite a few weeks ago already.)
So that this seems like the perfect time to finally post my American Christmas Greeting, a spoof of those once-a-year updates you get letting you know just how perfect everyone else's life seems to be going while you're still wondering WHERE yours is going.
I wrote it last Christmas just for kicks but then didn't post it because I was scared that people who WERE sending me cards would feel I was mocking them and stop sending them.
DON'T stop sending the cards. I love them and live off of them all year. Now if only I would send you all my address – check on facebook this week! I'll post photos and...no...we don't mind receiving belated Christmas cards in 2011!
This is for you Lori. And for Babette – who sends fantastic Christmas photos of the kids scuba diving and snow skiing every year, but doesn't rub it in – and who thinks I'm witty and is therefore brilliant! (Keep those cards coming folks, I really DO like to hear how brilliant your lives are!)
(It's taken me over an hour just to force something I've already written online - forgive me, I miss you, I just lose any and all good will fighting with the internet. The kids ALL start school on January 22. I'll be in touch then!)
Merry Christmas!!! ENJOY!
DISCLAIMER:ALL PERSONS AND EVENTS ARE ENTIRELY FICTIONAL. ANY RESEMBLANCE TO PERSONS IN MY PRESENT, PAST, OR FUTURE IS ENTIRELY COINCIDENTAL. THIS IS MEANT TO BE A TONGUE-IN-CHEEK SATIRE OF AN AMERICAN CUSTOM AND NOT MEANT TO CRITICIZE, CONDEMN OR OFFEND. OF COURSE, IF I HAVE TO EXPLAIN. ALL OF WHICH MEANS, PLEASE KEEP YOUR CHRISTMAS CARDS COMING. I DO LOVE HEARING FROM YOU. AND WHEN I GET THIS RATHER BAD HUMOR OUT OF THE WAY, I HOPE IT MAKES ROOM IN MY HEART FOR SOMETHING TRULY BEAUTIFUL. I PROMISE, I'M WORKING ON IT!
An American Christmas Greeting
Merry Christmas friends and family,
Another year has come and gone in which none of us has had the time to visit, phone, email or even twitter. Check us out on Facebook if you get a chance.
And so we'd like to share news of our family with the 400 of you who are closest in our hearts during this joyous holiday season.
All of the kids are, of course, in the gifted program at school, the school being the best in the entire country. Our son is the star of the soccer, baseball, and basketball teams and is training for his black belt in karate, the youngest ever to do so at the age of seven. He also plays a Stradavarius. Our ten year old daughter is travelling to New York City on the weekends to dance ballet professionally. And weren't we surprised when NASA called to ask her opinion about the latest space station. All of which somehow led to a modelling gig. She'll also be in the Olympics next year for stadium jumping. We've enclosed the photo of her on her new Thoroughbred. My husband meanwhile is never home, business (which obviously is booming) taking him to Shang-hai, Syndey, Berlin, Moscow and Paris this year alone. And yet he somehow finds time to coach the soccer team, sing in the church choir, travel with the cub scouts and volunteer at the local homeless shelter.
I am not doing much, still busy with homeschooling the youngest two before they enter preschool. They are trilingual now, at the age of three, but having some dificulty reading the French. I've repainted all the bedrooms in our six bedroom home (photo also enclosed) and made curtains to match. In between preparing organic vegan home-cooked meals for the entire family (grown in our own garden) and sewing all of our clothes, I have found time to open my own silk-screening business, currently bringing in $40,000 a month, in addition to continuing to work as a cardiologist at the local hospital.
Wishing you and yours a blessed and holy holiday season. (The Connors)
I LOVE YOU GUYS! MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM RAINY (BUT NOT SNOWY!) QUEENSLAND!