Reality Diet and Exercise

I've only ever sent one book back to Amazon.  It was a diet and health book written for women.  It began with the words: every woman should take the time to wake up slowly and have some time for herself each  morning.
I was livid.  Who was this lady kidding?!

One week to go

I've had similar issues with a recent diet and exercise plan I signed up for online.  Free.  Through one of the television stations here. 

Even if I did have the time to shop for all the exotic produce on the menu, there is no way at all I would find the time to spend over an hour making up a salad.  Sorry, it's rip off the lettuce, slice a quick tomato and some mushrooms if I got em, maybe a cucumber and sprinkle it with sunflower seeds if I'm feeling particularly fancy. 

Yesterday I simply took the head of lettuce out of the refrigerator, ripped off some leaves, and shoved them in my face on the way out the door to pick up the kids.  Honestly, who has the time?!

Matthew and Aidan eat a rainbow

This morning I poured the granola cereal into the bowl.

And then poured it back into the box before driving the kids to school.

This strategy seems to be working for me.  I've lost ten pounds in three weeks.

I 've tried the so-called sensible diet plans.  Is it just Australia or is everyone eating every two hours now?  I mean honestly, who needs this sort of pressure?!  I'm generally already running behind by 10 AM, combining morning tea with lunch at 2 PM which makes afternoon tea late.  So that I have no appetite for dinner.  And do I HAVE to stay up for evening tea?!

Second brekkies (also known as morning tea) at Aunt Merle's

Can I just stick to boiled eggs, baked squash and tuna fish, please?  Plus that nummy lettuce I can now eat on the go!

Then there's the exercise.  This seems like a reasonable thing to expect.

I started when the baby was 6 weeks old.  Up at 6 AM anyway.  Might as well take a walk.  Even found time for 20 minutes of AM yoga.  And evening too.

The first week.

By the second week Ian had figured out he didn't like the yoga tape. 

So I tried abs.

You'd think I'd get the six minutes in to do abs, wouldn't you?

No really, which one of you kids is going to tell Meka and Opa I'm having a baby?

I gave up until I ran into one of those women at a pool party recently.  There I was, fat and happy, breastfeeding and eating and in walks this petite, slim but curvaceous (still breastfeeding the last one) redhead, her three children, ages 3, 2 and 10 months, all dressed in khakis and grays like something out of a Bennetton commercial.  I put down my chips long enough to think "crap." 

It's bad enough these people exist in magazines ads but do I really need to get to know them personally?!  (Yes, really, her first two are 11 months apart and the third 18 months behind that.  Australian powermums can really put the rest of us to shame!)

I had to admit - she was really really nice too, the bitch! - that if she could exercise with three toddlers I could probably figure out something to do with my four month old.  Who is still more of a weight belt than anything at this stage.  So now I do baby triceps and baby situps and baby squats.  Ian really likes the baby squats.  I had to do them through a Parents Coffee at the school recently to keep him quiet.  He'll actually lift his legs to his stomach and grunt along when I do them.  Baby butt raises work well too since you can sing "Hoopah Hoopah Reiter" to them and bounce the baby on your belly to the rhythm.  He really gets a kick out of those.  He's laughing AT me, not with me, when I do situps, but I try not to mind.

The neighbours are getting used to seeing me carrying him around the block "Minion" style in the Baby Carrier on days when it is neither too sunny or rainy.

Which means that most of the time we end up doing baby laps in the pool.  Until fairly recently this was a private affair since baby laps involves me bouncing around the pool with Ian in front of me singing childrens' songs and dancing.  If I'm happy and I know it clap my hands, bum bum.  If I'm happy and I know it clap my hands.  I also do a mean hokey-pokey now.  I can really boogie.  I got the legs up and the hips a swinging and some really fancy footwork going, thinking I am really good here, I don't need Zumba and....

Then a friend pops up unexpectedly telling me that she just hopped the fence (they DO that here!) because the neighbour's twenty-something year old son told her I would never hear her knocking on the door what with all that singing and dancing going on.

Oops.  Caught.

Baby laps anyone?  11:30 my place most mornings.

And afterwards I promise not to feed you either!

Four at the Pool (Part Three - Swimming Lessons)

The two hours at the pool were exhausting. I was constantly holding, feeding or caring for at least one, and often two babies. Plus trying to keep my eye on the other two. It got worse when the babies started walking. I still used the baby carrier strategy to get them in there - one in the baby seat and one walking holding onto my hand - or ran with the one in the baby seat while the other toddled next to his sister. I swear, I was fast. And the child left alone poolside was always the one STRAPPED into the baby carrier! God, it sounds awful now.

Once they were moving though I had to carry them both most of the time. Ryan and Andrew got relegated to carrying the bags while I carried one toddler on each hip. It’s doable. If not sightly. It was easier in the water, because I didn’t need to support their entire weight there. I tried the floating rings but they never stayed in them for long. Switched to swim fins at 18 months and haven’t looked back since.

The next milestone was the kiddie slide and learning to walk on the slick surface poolside. I was all over the place keeping up with them - and still they hit their heads way more than they would have if I could have been directly behind them both. One time I fell in the parking lot - bringing down the entire stroller and both babies with me - and I burst into tears just from the sheer frustration of it all. I tried taking a fifteen year old neighbor along to help out, but she told me it was too exhausting after two weeks.

I’ll be honest. I used to dread our swim days.

Two and a half years into it though the work has paid off. The older kids swim well enough that I don’t need to be directly next to them the entire time. The packing process takes minutes instead of hours. No more baby seats or baby cushion. In fact, we don’t even use the stroller. All four kids get out of the car, hold hands crossing the parking lot, and change themselves in the locker room. Of course the twins still need some help, but you’d be amazed. They can walk and slide without knocking their heads on the floor quite as often and they swim almost independently in their swim fins. It is actually a joy to go with them.

Is there a lesson to be learned from the whole pool thing? (Swimming lessons, if you will!) Besides the fact that I am nuts? I think so. It can be done, if you want it badly enough. Whatever “it” is. It won’t always be fun. But it will get easier. And it will be worth the work. It’s easy to say that now that I am past the worst of it. (And I realize that I am sounding just like those perfect “how to” moms I promised not to be.) Reading this through, I can’t believe I did it either.

You do it because you have to. Whatever it is. But if you’re still in the middle of those first two or three years - know that others share the pain, know that others survived just one step at a time too. IT IS SO HARD. People will keep telling you that it gets better - and you’ll be thinking, yeah but WHEN? And then someday you too will be looking back and thinking, I can’t believe I did all that. And you’ll be there.

Until puberty hits and you wish you COULD strap them back into the baby carriers.

Four at the Pool (Two of Three)

First, the two older kids had to be primed. Honestly, if they didn’t listen, if they didn’t cooperate, it wasn’t going to work. If I had had to hold Andrew’s hand while we were in the parking lot because he was out of control, then we weren’t going to make it out of the parking lot. This wasn’t a threat; it was reality. I told them this. To this day, I still can’t believe that worked (remember, he was FOUR), but they really liked the swimming.

Next, I had to prepare the supplies. This took hours at first. Towels. Swimsuits. Shampoo. Flotation devices - first still for Andrew and later for BOTH twins. Pool toys. Snacks and drinks for the big kids. Bottles with water and formula, later baby food in plastic containers. Diapers. Baby swimsuits. Wipes. Cushioned changing pad - this plays into the logistics later.

Arriving in the parking lot, I would get the twin stroller out of the back, unfold and prepare it - this was a three step process that I don’t even think about anymore . First twin in. Strapped. Second twin in. Strapped. Older kids gripping the stroller to assure there was no temptation to run across the parking lot. Three bags out of the car. Baby seat out of the car and on top of the stroller. (Again, wait for the logistics.) Car doors locked. Into the pool. At first, when they were younger, I balanced TWO baby seats on top of the stroller, but gradually graduated to one and a changing pad.

Once in the changing room, the twins stayed strapped into the stroller while I helped the older two change into their bathing suits and changed myself. (I rolled the stroller right into the changing room.) I used the common locker area - the luxury of privacy has ceased to be mine. I then got out the first twin, changed him and placed him on the cushioned changing pad. (Ah hah, there’s the changing pad!) Again, at first this was a baby seat. Then came the second twin, changed, and placed into the baby seat. Strapped in.

Older child number one then had to wait with baby on changing pad or in babyseat while I walked with baby in babyseat and all our stuff and older child number two into the pool area. The first baby into the pool area was ALWAYS in a babyseat - strapped in - because child number one (usually the six year old, Ryan) then waited with the baby while I ran back for the second set. Swear to God. I can’t believe they allowed it! Although, after a few weeks, when people knew us, there was generally someone willing to help me keep an eye on two of them while I ran back for the other two.

I did the same thing in reverse at the end of two hours. Baby in carseat with older child waiting in pool area while I run with baby two in carseat or with cushion and older child number two (usually Andrew this time) into the locker room, leave baby on floor with Andrew (and a few appalled mothers) watching, while I return to the pool area for the second two. For the first year we skipped showers. The second year only Ryan and Andrew showered. We are up to three of us showering AND washing our hair.

In the pool I kept the twins strapped in unless they were awake and demanding attention and tried to play with Ryan and Andrew. Most of the time one or both of them would want to be fed, and I’d do it poolside. Then one would sleep while I held the other one in the pool - until someone came to tell me that the second had woken up too. People were really very helpful. I think they were in shock. Often someone would offer to hold one while I had the other. We made lots of friends. There was also a baby swim class taking place at the same time we were there and - although I was not allowed to join with two babies and only one parent - I did meet a lot of the mothers and still keep in touch with them regularly. Most of them were first time moms with one child so they pretty much told me how fantastic I was to be managing with four. I needed that.